Coffee

It is a cold winter night in Austin Texas. The sky is clear, and ice is beginning to form on the windshields of cars. I young lady, clad in sweatpants and collegiate sweater parks her car. Hurries into the warmth of a local 24 hour coffeeshop. She does not look at the menu, she simply walks to the counter, says hello to the Barista that already knows her order. And tips him a couple dollars.

After recieving a double shot of espresso with a little vanilla for flavor and a grande iced hazelnut-vanilla latte, she prepares herself for the walk back to her car. Takes a sip of her hot coffee beverage, and walks out the door. Smiles at the young lady who passes her on a bike, secretly regretting the fact that she did not ride her bike on this amazing Texas night.

The young lady then drives back to her home, listening to Imogen Heap, with the windows open, and her heater blasting. She sips on her espresso in hopes that it will prepare her for the long night ahead. The light turns green, she goes, the light turns red, she stops. Gets out of the car, quietly puts her key in the door, and turns the lights off behind her. Closes her bedroom door, and takes off her sweater.

She looks at a list of seemingly impossible things that must be done before thursday and smiles. She is not good at being bored, and it is almost comforting to know that she will not be for a while.

Life can be so amazing sometimes. If we stop to look at what we do, there is beauty in the simplicity.

Harry Potter

You are a RAVENCLAW!

As a Ravenclaw and as an NFP, you value
imagination, ideas and intelligence. You are
probably somewhat of an individualist and avoid
conforming just for its own sake. You are
insightful and perceptive, and since you are
empathetic and value harmony, you usually try
to avoid conflict. Of course, you may enjoy
participating in heated debates, but only as
long as they remain on an intellectual level
and not a personal level. In general, you are
open-minded and curious, and set high standards
for yourself.


Hogwarts Sorting Hat: Based on Myers-Briggs Personality Typing
brought to you by Quizilla

My Boss is a Prick

So I love almost everyone that I work with. From the owners down, there are great people there...

except one.

David Hogan. He is a horribly sad person, and he takes his anger on the world out on everyone else around him.

Right now I am pretty angry because we just had a small fight, I should be at work now, but left. We do not get along.

Simply put, I don't put up with him treating me like shit. Or other people for that matter. It is wrong, and abuse of power, and I stick up for myself and others.

Things he has done recently:

Brings his girlfriend in and comps all her food

Brings his friends in and comps all their food.

If an employee forgets to bring their own cup, he charges them full price.

He is constantly short in the register, and calls me asking (and I quote) "can you see if it is in your pocket" after I have been gone from work for hours. Implying that I would take money.

When (my favorite) general manager quit, he had to train a new one. He sat down for 2 hours one day, when Brett had no idea what he was doing. And held hands with his girlfriend without getting up for 2 HOURS! We were busy, and needed the help. Poor Brett was too afraid to interrupt to ask questions.

When he has to pick something up from the store. He will not put it away. He will simply set it on the floor (in front of its place) and wait for an employee to do it for him.

There are so many other small things that he does on a daily basis. The list goes on and on...

The problem is: he is a manager. His job is to make a shift run smoothly. To enforce the rules, not break them. Make sure the employees are getting along and that they are being efficient.

Not create more work for them. Say one thing and do another. Follow the rules only when the owner is watching. Make the employees miserable because you are so mean to them.

OK, so what happened today...

After he was short on the money, I wrote in the manager book that the drawer was short (because he had been blaming others, and he was the only one responsible this time). Which he did not like. But the owner needs to know that it has been covered up before. This was the most proffessional way to go about it.

So he was already in a bad mood, because he was caught and did not like it.

I told another employee that I would make them a vanilla latte. So I started making it. She did not ring up the vanilla. (.55 cents). He says to me "are you just giving her free vanilla?" which is an interesting comment coming from the man who gives his girlfriend and friends free food/drinks all the time. And I replied with, "she asked me to make her a vanilla latte, if she did not ring it up, charge her for it. But it might be nice to just give it to her" - she works full time and is one of our hardest working employees. And he replies with "you should not do things that you know you are not supossed to do"

- It is a known fact that he and I do not get along (for the above mentioned reasons. I always call him out on his shit. And the last couple of weeks I have been keeping my mouth shut, not worth the drama. I do not like drama. But I could not hold my tongue on this one...

"like gving Cheryl (his gf) free food evertime she comes in?"

He knew he was caught. The only resonce that he could come up with was "I have the authority to do that" which is not true. A manager gets one free meal per shift. All other times, it is a discount.

Then he said he thought I should go home. Which I agreed to.

He is such a self serving asshole. He is rude to customers, and to employees and I do not like him.

When he is in the room, I can feel my chest tighten.

So we shall see what happens on Monday. I am sure we will have a meeting with Al, and I will not like it.

All I have to say, is that Karma is a bitch, he is going to continue to live a miserable life if he keeps treating people the way he treats them now.

Life is weird right now.

There's something sexy about the rain....

Emotions are so weird.

It is amazing to me how fast they can change, and how intense they can be.

Your entire being changes, and morphs, you are no longer rational, or in control. Its scary.

And great.

could you imagine life without emotion?

Whats the point?

Can't turn it off....

What have I done today?
worked 6 hours, class for 3 hours, hour long nap, cooked a little dinner, and am now writing 4 papers.... yes 4. you heard it... 4...

welcome to the suck.

I really liked Jarhead. It was so beautifully shot. Not hard to do with Jake as your lead, but in all honesty Roger Deakins did an amazing job...

It got cold today. Which is weird, because yesterday morning it was in the 70's. Welcome to Texas. I can't wait till LA.

I have been working on so many films lately. It is just crazy actually. On average I am getting about 2 hours of sleep a night, but I can't complain. This is what I want to do .

The cold makes me want to cuddle. And in turn makes me want to have someone to cuddle. But it is so easy to say you just want to cuddle.. I want to cuddle with someone special. It is such a good feeling.

Things I love during the winter:
Getting the warm spot in your bed - can't even move your leg, or it gets cold again
hats!
putting the heater in the car on your cold hands.
Fires
Hot coffee drinks in a mug, prefferably at metro looking at the lake.
the smell of winter
red noses
everyone being nice to eachother for one month during christmas time.
christmas carols!
handmaking christmas cards!
taking 30 minutes to wrap each present because I am so anal (while drinking coffee by a fire)
cuddles
ice storms
middle of the night snow
sleeping with the window open
scarves
lights :)
the new stars in the sky .....

there are so many things that are great about to winter. I used to hate it.. what was I thinking.

Right now, I am going to go back to writing my papers and listening to some amazing local artists. . .

I love art, and all of its forms... the creativity that is everywhere all the time ... sometimes I can feel it... surrounding me.

My mother.

This is a pictureo f my mommy... I am hosting in here so I can put it in a comment on myspace... hopefully...

Isn't she pretty?

Recap

So Halloween was crazy...

I was a cowgirl. I did not partake in the showing of the breasts. But all of my friends did.. so it was ok...

It started thursday night, with the pitchfest. Which went great, Alison's script is strong, and I am excited to be a part of her project. There were drinks following at Opal Divines then I left the film crew for some music peeps. Saw Rachel Loy play, with Dave and Mike. Geoff came with, and we met Ali up there as well. Dave had a Friend named Blue in from Boston. he is hitchhiking across america. So cool. There was drunken fun downtown... blast.

Then friday was work, and more drinking partying fun. Got all dressed up to go out, and ended up staying at Dave's all night. We were all playing drinking games, and it was too fun to leave. I was not the asshole. Thank you very much.

Saturday was work, then partying it up. First was 205, because it is always a party over there.... then Billy's, where there are always more jello shots that ANYONE should be able to drink. Then I picked up the girls, and we went to Keefers. I ran into an old prof. Who said we should go hang out and drink... a little weird. Good times. Actually got to bed at a decent hour (for a sat. night) and used the extra hour for sleep :)

And Sunday was napping. Got off work, and napped. It was great. Then friends came over for pumpkin pie, which I did not have ready in time. And drinks. We watched desperate housewives (as is our sunday night tradition) and Grey's anatomy. I really like that show. I will have to schedule it in now.

Monday was work, we got in a cat fight, and used meredith's special effects to make it look real. Then I was shooting with CLarissa all night. It rained and it made me happy.

Tuesday was the dentsist. Which I HATE, but got through, and I performed my piece for acting class. I think it went well..

Overall... busy, but great couple of days.

Right now, I am cleaning, in between film shoots, and getting a little reading in while I am at it.
I jsut did my short in stop animation. SO we will see how it comes out.

byebye kiddos.

I love music.

Its complexity, and its ability to make you feel something. very real, deep within yourself.

I guess I love all art in that way. But there is something about music. It gets in my chest, and makes me breathe differently. I wonder if everyone feels the same way.

I wish more than anything that I could be a musician. But that is not my calling.

But I love being around musicians. There is something about the way they think. It is different. THey see the world in a different way.

But I think I see the world in a differnt way as well.

I have been so busy lately. Really failing at everything. Just not being as on top of things as usual. It is such a weird feeling. Like you are sinking, and instead of realizing that you are sinking, you worry about it. And the worry becomes anxiety, and the anxety makes it hard to breathe, and your chest gets heavy. And instead of getting anything done, you get further behind from not being able to breathe. I hate that feeling.

For the first time in my life I feel like i have taken on too much. But there is nothing that I want to give up. Except work. I wish everyday that I did not have to work. one day....

It is halloween. I wish I coul dbe someone else. Just to experience it. TO know what it feels like to be in someone else's head. To think in a different way, to feel in a different way.

But instead I am goign to be a cowboy.
and drink beer.
and come home alone.
and work in the morning.

but on the way, I will listen to some good music. And it will take me to a new place.

I need to stop expecting people to disappoint me. Because in doing so, they do. And I have some really cool people in my life.

and on that note, I am turning up the radio, putting on my cowboy hat and going out with some kick ass cool girls.

Where Soul Meets Body.....

sometimes I feel so creative, but that I have no outlet for it.

I paint, draw, sing, and WRITE.. and usually I can get it all out in a script. but sometimes......

sometimes, the creativity is so powerful that nothing seems to be enough... it just doesn't do it justice. I can feel it throughout my body. Wonderfully frustrating.

I have been reading "Angels in Amerca" it is a play by Tony Kushner, and I loved it.

I don't want to forget these lines, I love them:

"Love, thats a trap. Responsibility; thats a trap too. Like a father to a son I tell you this: Life is full of horror; nobody escapes, nobody; save yourself. Whatever pulls on you, whatever needs from you, threatens you. Don't be afraid; people are so afraid; don't be afraid to livein the raw wind, naked, alone...Learn at least this; What you are capable of. Let nothing stand in your way."

"Smell is... an incredibly complex and underappreciated physical phenomenon. Inextricably bound up with sex."

"The world doesn't spin backwards. Listen to the world, to how fast it goes."

"At first it can be ery hard to accept how disappointing life is because that's what it is and you have to accept it. With faith and time and hard work you reach a point. . . where the disappointment doesn't hurt as much, and then it gets actually easy to live with. Quite easy. Which is in its own way a disappointment. But. There"

I have been sad the last couple of weeks... don't know what it is.. I am hoping that the cold weather and hot chocolates to come will make me happy... I love sweaters and HATS!!!!!!

I think I will bust out some paints, and see what comes out. Just one of those moods.

I want to take a blanket out in the country, cuddle up underneath and look at stars for hours.

ACL 2K5

THANK YOU BLAKE BUFFINGTON.... FREE 3 DAY PASSES KICKED ASS!!!

Saturday I got off work at 3:00, picked up a ticket for Giffy K and headed to the festival. We got to park at Blake's law firm, so the walk was not bad at all....

IT WAS SOO HOT AND DUSTY... and I loved every minute of it....

I saw:
Death Cab for Cutie - great show, good to hear their new stuff on there.. I love the new album.
John Butler Trio - watched them while we ate. I just love their sound, so chill.
The dirty Dozen Brass Band - wished we could have stayed longer.
Jet - It could have "rocked a little harder" but Giffy K's yelling made it all worth it :)
Bloc Party- awesome show, really want to get a little more into their music. I like it.
Oasis- horrible...enough said
Widespread panic - AMAZING, favorite show of the day. I love hippy dancing...

I got off work at 3:00 again on sunday, and headed back down, to hang in the 108 degree heat...Gotta Love Texas.

I saw:
The Arcade Fire - BEST SHOW OF THE FESTIVAL... I am in love... its been a while.
The Decemberists - Had never heard them, but I am impressed.
Wilco - They were good. I think the show was a lot better for those that knew all the songs. They didn't do much for new listeners. We left early.
Franz Ferdinand - Just caught the tale end from far away, but they sounded good.
The Black Keys - great band, one of my favorite perfomances there.
Coldplay - I was wondering what kind of show they would put on, because their music is so chill and depressing. But they were awesome, even played some Johnny Cash... maybe just because we are in Texas, but who knows. I did not want them to stop...

Some pics:





Over all, it was an amazing adventure. I fear that I am going to be spending some money on CD's... donations accepted.

Friday night was solid downtown action... Great little weekend.... :) I love music so much.

Sideways

I love it when you listen to a song and you can connect with it so deeply that it takes over all of your emotions, and you feel the song. Makes you want to laugh and cry all at the same time.

One of the best feelings ever.

I guess I can sleep when I am dead.....

So school ... is hard ... really hard this semester. But I can do it. Shit, If I can do good in school this semester, I don't think there is anything I can't do.

I have some really good friends.

I have started working out on a regular basis. I really need to get in better shape. I miss being hot.

I want a boyfriend. That is sad isn't it? I just don't think I am cut out for the dating scene. I like knowing that someone wants to be with me, and I like caring for and being with other people. But you know what they say, if you are looking, you will never find it. But I don't really know how to not look. I just want someone nice, that opens doors and lets me order first. A gentleman if you will. But I have to be able to talkto him... there is nothing worse than a surface relationship.

Now I sound desperate, I promise I am not. I have Andrea.. and she is all I need...... hehe

Things are a little stable now... bad things are happening that I won't really go into detail, but everyone is really upbeat and positive about them. It helps. Needless to say, I am worried about the people I love right now, but am sure that everything and everyone will be alright.

Until next time... here are some fun pics.... I spared you the one of my ass.... you will have to ask larissa for that one.

Labor Day Weekend

so I am upset, nothing I wont get over.

This weekend was not so good. Filled with drama and people that treated me like shit.

But here are some pictures of some really kick ass girls that feed me pumpkin pie and cool whip to make me feel better. Thanks girls.. I love you :)

The Beginning of the End :)

So school starts this Wed. I am very excited about it. I don't like not workin on films.

I am taking Film I. I am nervous because I am having to take more time off work to take it, and it is an expensive class. . but I am hoping everything will work out.

The last few weeks of summer have been INSANE... too much drinking, but in the good hanging out with friends way. This will all end with one last tuesday cain and abels night.

Here are some pics from the craziness.....

We Love you and Miss You.

Here's to Joe.. the first guy I kissed in college :) You will be missed.

Joe Maland

(1983-2005)

ODE TO RYAN

This is for Ryan....