Web Design is a bitch

well I have not updated in a while and apparently I have a following that gets a little upset when I don't.

What's new you ask?

well, my mother has a lump in her breast. She found out about it like 5 years ago (I just now found out) and she did not do anything about it. It has doubled in size. Breast cancer runs in my family. Bad combination. That means it has just been growing (if it is in fact breast cancer) She will not make an appointment. She keeps saying that she is too busy.... but what could possibly be more important than your life? I mean, what is the point of doing all of these things if you die of cancer?I am so mad at her...

Match is doing amazing! I heart him.. too bad chait is allergic.

I started a production company. It is called Trideka Films and we are already in pre-production for our first film! How exciting (like i need more things on my plate)

Oh, and my grandmother had her skin tested (she had a spot that was looking kinda scary, and with her history of cancer, they tested it) and it came back negative!! So that's good.

The semester is almost over, and I can't wait!

I have been drinking too much, and not doing enough work. I think that means summer needs to be here.

And I need to lose weight.... blah blah blah.. save me the, "you are not fat" arguments. I have gained weigh.. and it is just silly... so if you see me ordering a hamburger, or eating candy.. you just kick my ass and tell me that I am too fat to be eating that shit.. and I am not joking here.

Oh, and I have business cards now. I AM SO IMPORTANT. lol.. get em' while they're hot!!

My give a damn's busted

I always wonder how people really feel.

Everyone always pretends to be happy and you know that it is a lie.

I am skipping class right now. I am a bad student. But, I am listening to Jo Dee Messina and she is making me feel better about it.

I am going to be editing all night. I wish the editing labs were outside.. that would be great. Work on your tan and your film at the same time :)

I am getting my new kitty tomorrow . . . SOOO excited about that! His name is match (because he matches his mommy) He is all black with little white feet. This is going to be a beautiful friendship.

We will be having a matchwarming party at my place saturday night hehe

OH how I love thee Imdb

Edward Albee said, the purpose of art is to hold a mirror up to the audience's noses and say: This is who you are... now change.

Shooting went really well this weekend. Exhausted does not even describe the utter fatigue, but I had a suprisingly good time. I have a really great group which helps a lot. I am happy with my footage and am actually looking forward to editing and composing.

My father has been missing for going on 2 months now. No one knows where he is... there is no trace of him anywhere. I don't know how i feel about it really. I hate him, but there is this part of me that is sad and it freaks me out. How can you love and hate someone so much at the same time?

And I have not talked to my mother in about a week.

I hate feeling as if I am the person that is always there for everyone else. Not that I don't want to be there for people that I care about. I just feel people take advantage of that. They know that I will be there if they call, that I will drop what I am doing to help them, and to make them feel better. And I hate feeling bad when I need help. I don't have anyone in my life who is there for me when I need them. I am all alone. So I have decided that I am not going to call in on my family as much. It is time that I stop being the mother in my mothers life and start focsing on my own. I have given up so much.. and I do not regret a single bit of it. But I am not going to do it any more. For once in my life, I am going to think about myself first.

I am excited for this semester to end. Only two more big tests, one 30 page script and a film to finish. not too bad if you ask me.

And one last rant...
I really hate it when people do not hand you money. To me, it is possibly the rudest gesture. When I have my hand out and someone throws their money down. I can't describe how one action can say so much about how that person views you, your job and your status. Its horrible.

ahh love....

It is sad when you realize that no one in the world loves you.

But at the same time, it makes you feel a little bit safer. No one can hurt you then.

I still desperatly want someone to love me.